


Dying Is Easy, Young Man, College Is Harder

by theglitterati



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-02-12
Packaged: 2018-05-14 05:59:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5731975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theglitterati/pseuds/theglitterati
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A college AU, mostly told from John Laurens' perspective.</p><p>"'Excuse me,' a voice said from behind John, snapping him out of his reverie. 'I don’t want to freak you out, but you have a ladybug in your hair.'</p><p>John was not freaked out; he thought ladybugs were pretty cute. And, when he turned to see who was talking to him and found a boy about his height, with a black ponytail and matching glasses, his first thought was that he was pretty cute, too."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Never Had A Group Of Friends Before

It was a crisp September morning on campus, dewdrops still shining on the incredibly green grass of the university lawn, and John Laurens was waiting in a very long line.

Classes didn’t start for another three days, but it was move-in day for all new students that would be rooming in the university dorms that year. And apparently, there were a lot of them, because John could barely see the front of the lineup for keys from where he stood at the back. He didn’t mind the wait, though, because just being there, beside the collegiate-gothic buildings and surrounded by the rabble of students, was excitement enough in itself.

It was forty-five minutes before John came close to the table at which older students were handing out the keys. The sun was getting warm overhead, and John would be glad to unload his stuff from the car where his parents waited before it got too hot. His residence, Monmouth Hall, was one of the oldest on campus, with—

“Excuse me,” a voice said from behind John, snapping him out of his reverie. “I don’t want to freak you out, but you have a ladybug in your hair.”

John was not freaked out; he thought ladybugs were pretty cute. And, when he turned to see who was talking to him and found a boy about his height, with a black ponytail and matching glasses, his first thought was that he was pretty cute, too.

“That’s okay,” John said mildly. “It can stay there if it wants to.”

“Really? I hate bugs, I would be flipping out. I mean, sure, ladybugs aren’t the worst, but they’re still pretty gross. At least it wasn’t a wasp, though.” The boy said all of this within about a second and a half. Laurens just stared at him. “I’m Alex,” the boy said, extending a hand, his diatribe over. “Alexander Hamilton.”

“John Laurens,” John said, reaching out to shake Alex’s hand.

“So do you know what dorm you’re living in yet?” Alex asked.

“Um. Monmouth Hall?” John wasn’t sure why it came out like a question.

“Me too!” Alex said with a sunny smile. “Do you know who your roommate is?”

“Yeah, a guy named Charles Lee,” John said, double-checking the name on the registration paper in the kangaroo pocket of his sweater. “I haven’t met him yet, though.”

“You should meet my roommate,” Alex said. “He’s great. That’s him over there.” He pointed across the courtyard to where a well-dressed black boy with a mane of curls was sitting on the lawn, gesturing wildly as he spoke to three female students. “Hey, Lafayette!” Alex called. “Come meet John!”

Lafayette held up an index finger, indicating that he’d be over in a moment, and Alex kept up a running commentary on him until he joined them.

“His family was, like, royalty in France before the Revolution and they never gave up the tradition of giving their kids like a million names, but people here have started calling him Lafayette because he moved here from Fayetteville. It’s so cool because he’s fluent in French, obviously, since it’s his first language, and I’ve been learning French for years and I finally have someone to practice with!”

Lafayette joined them then, and Alex stopped reciting his biography to introduce him to John.

“Lafayette, this is John Laurens. John, Lafayette.” They shook hands.

“It’s very nice to meet you,” Lafayette said, his accent thick.

“Nice to meet you, too,” John replied.

“Hello? Next in line please!” a voice called. Apparently, as they had been talking, the line in front of them had cleared out, and the students at the table were now waiting for John, who was still standing fifteen feet away.

“Sorry,” John said. He left the others and rushed to the table, trying to seem apologetic for wasting their time.

“Name?” asked a bald, black guy in a preppy sweater.

“John Laurens.”

“Laurens… Laurens… okay, room 212,” the guy said, passing over a key. “Sign here.” John signed the roster. He saw Alexander’s name several rows down from his own, assigned to room 250.

“The second floor’s my floor,” the guy at the table continued. “So I’ll be your RA. I’m Aaron.”

John smiled and mumbled that it was nice to meet him, then moved away from the table.

He wanted to stay and talk to his new acquaintances more, but his father was probably getting antsy in the car, and Alexander was next in line anyway. Instead, he gave Alexander and Lafayette a little wave as he passed them – they both returned it – and headed off in the direction of the parking lot.

***

Moving in was a whirlwind. There were already tons of students crowding the building, trying to squeeze desk chairs and laundry baskets through the narrow old halls of the dormitory. John’s father was in a mood, having had to sit in a hot car for an hour, and he complained much more than he helped.

The elusive Charles Lee was yet to arrive, so John had the room to himself as he unpacked, his mother fussing over him the entire time. The room was better than he’d expected. It was old, yes, but in a charming way, with high, raftered ceilings and painted brick walls. There was a nice view, too, a panorama of the lawn below.

Space was limited, though, and John had prepared for that, so he didn’t have that much stuff to unpack. His parents didn’t stick around long; his mother seemed to want to stay, but his dad was raring to go. They said quick goodbyes, John telling them that he’d see them at Thanksgiving.

John was unsure what to do with himself after they left. What he wanted to do was walk down the winding hallway and find Alexander and Lafayette’s room, but he didn’t want to interrupt their unpacking. Instead, he propped his bedroom door open and grabbed his sketchbook, settling onto the bed. When people walked by, he looked up from his drawing and waved, trying to learn all the new faces of the students he’d get to know better over the year.

His roommate showed up an hour later, unaccompanied.

“Hi,” John said, getting up from the bed and tossing his book aside. “I’m John, I’m your roommate.”

“Hey,” Charles said, moving past him to put his backpack down on the desk. Then he turned and left without a word, presumably to go get the rest of his stuff. John sat back down, and waited for him to return.

“Your name is Charles, right?” John asked when Lee returned, although he already knew the answer. Lee just nodded.

John tried a different tack. “Do you want me to come help you with your stuff?” Surely he couldn’t refuse that.

Lee just shrugged and left the room. John decided to go with him, out of boredom more than desire.

He followed Lee out the front doors, down the path to the parking lot and over to a black BMW. A hapless-looking guy who sort of resembled Lee sat in the front seat, not even pretending to want to help.

“Is that your brother?” John asked, grabbing a bag from the open trunk.

“Cousin,” Lee said. By this point, John was shocked that he answered at all.

They brought the rest of Lee’s things in in silence. While he unpacked, John made a few more attempts at conversation, learning that Lee was from West Virginia and was majoring in law, the same as John. But that was all that John could get out of him, and he sure didn’t ask John anything about his own life in return. When he was finished unpacking, Lee sat down at the desk with his computer, turning his back to John completely.

It was past two p.m., and John was getting hungry. He asked Charles if he’d like to go get lunch, getting a curt “nope” in reply. He headed out on his own.

Just as he was shutting the door behind him, Laurens’ across-the-hall neighbour was leaving his own room.

Laurens had learned from TV and movies that he would meet all kinds of different people at college, but he hadn’t fully understood what “different” meant until just now. The man in front of him was much taller than John, and much wider, and was wearing some _very_ bright yellow pants.

“Hey neighbour!” he said in a booming voice. “Nice to meet you!”

The guy was a little intimidating, but he was smiling, and John was just thrilled to finally see a friendly face. “Hi,” he said. “I’m John Laurens.”

“Hercules Mulligan,” the guy replied, and John’s eyes must have gone wide, because Hercules laughed and said, “Yeah, I know, it’s a fantastic name.”

“I was just going to try to scare up some food,” Mulligan continued. “Wanna come?”

John nodded. “Definitely.”

Mulligan grinned, then turned back to face his still-open door. “Georgie!” he called. “Are you coming?”

A tall, lanky boy stepped out into the hallway timidly. He looked like he was afraid to get too close to Mulligan. When Mulligan pulled him into a headlock and ruffled up his hair, John saw why.

“This is my roommate, George Hanover,” Mulligan told Laurens, still holding onto George. He put on a fake British accent to say, “He’s from across the pond.”

“Do you want to come get food with me and John, Georgie?” he asked, ruffling George’s hair again. George extricated himself with difficulty and muttered that, no, he was going to stay in.

“Suit yourself!” Mulligan called, heading off down the hall at top speed, with John jogging to keep up with him.

***

Hercules Mulligan turned out to be a great guy. John learned that he came from a family of Irish tailors, and that he was a good one himself, hence the pants. He was going to be the first person in his family to go to college.

They stayed in the cafeteria for a while after lunch just talking. Mulligan told John about a party he was going to that night, at a house in the student village just off campus. He invited John to go with him, and John agreed – it would be good to meet some more people before classes started.

John got back to his room around four. He’d taken some food with him from the cafeteria to reheat for dinner in the common room kitchen. Charles wasn’t in their room when he returned.

John puttered around, wasting time until it was time to leave. He ate, put away anything that he hadn’t before, and organized his closet. When it was finally almost eight, he traded the pullover hoodie bearing the university’s name that he’d been wearing all day for a plain black one, and went out into the hall to wait for Hercules. It wasn’t long before he joined John – wearing purple pants this time – and they set off. Apparently, George was staying in again rather than coming to the party.

John’s first thought when they got into the party was that it was hot. He’d been to parties before, but he’d never seen so many people crammed into such a small space. He figured he’d better get used to it – student housing was rarely spacious.

Mulligan led them through the throng and straight to the keg. He waved at people and called out greetings as they passed; he seemed to know everyone, even though it was only their first day. He filled up two red Solo cups with cheap beer, and passed one over to John. John wasn’t much of a drinker in high school, but this wasn’t high school anymore, was it? He accepted the beer and drank a third of it in one gulp. It didn’t taste so bad.

Hercules yelled something to John over the music, but John only caught part of it, the words “find” and “friends”. He continued to follow Mulligan, as they passed through the dance floor and into a slightly less-crowded room, finally coming to a set of couches and two very familiar faces.

“John,” Mulligan started, “this is—”

“We’ve already met!” Alexander interrupted. He jumped up and came to sit next to John, probably a little closer than he had meant to. His cheeks were very pink. “Hi, John Laurens!” he said loudly. He was wearing a plaid shirt and jeans, his hair pulled into a bun; John thought he looked nice. On the other couch, Lafayette waved and shifted over, making room for Mulligan to sit down.

The night passed quickly as the four of them got very, very drunk. Well, as Mulligan, Lafayette, and Laurens got drunk, and Hamilton got drunker – he’d already been tipsy when John had arrived.

It surprised John that Alexander could keep up his usual quick conversation even when half of the words were slurred. Alex rapidly questioned Laurens about his entire life before coming to college, and was more than happy to share the same information about his own. John learned that Alex wasn’t from America, but from St. Kitts and Nevis, and that Alex was an orphan and had grown up in foster care, which he said in such a blasé way that it made John sad. Laurens also learned that both Alex and Lafayette were law majors like him, and that they would share a class with him and Hercules, which made John very happy.

“So!” Alex said, changing the topic at breakneck speed.  “Do you have a special someone back home?”

“What do you mean?” John said, skirting the question.

“You know what I mean,” Alex said, waggling his eyebrows.

“Well…” John said. “I had a girlfriend until a couple months ago. Martha. But it didn’t really work out.”

“Oh,” Alex said, blinking. “I thought… never mind.”

“What?” John prompted.

“I just thought… I thought you might be gay.”

John giggled. “I am,” he said. “That’s why it didn’t work out.”

Alexander stared at him very seriously for a moment, and then burst out laughing.

“Why is that funny?!” John asked, though he was laughing, too.

“It’s not,” Alex said, trying to catch his breath. “I’m just really, really drunk!”

They both laughed like idiots for a minute, until Alexander composed himself enough to speak.

“I’m glad you’re gay,” he said, then shook his head. “No, that’s not what I wanted to say. I wanted to say, I’m bi. Sexual, I mean. Bisexual.”

“I knew what you meant,” John said, quieter than before.

Alexander was about to say something else when they were interrupted by Mulligan and Lafayette breaking into song, singing an old drinking song completely off-key. John knew the words and, made ready to party by the beer, he forgot about his conversation with Alex and joined in. Alexander started singing along a few seconds later, though he didn’t know the words at all. Instead he made up his own, which remarkably all still rhymed.

By the time they got back to their dorm, it was almost two in the morning. Lafayette wanted to give everyone a goodnight hug, so they indulged him, and then went their separate ways. John bade Mulligan goodnight, then let himself into his own room, trying to be quiet in case Charles was sleeping. It turned out that he, yet again, wasn’t even there.

John was exhausted, and didn’t even bother changing into pajamas before falling into bed. He knew that he was going to feel terrible in the morning, but somehow, he thought it was worth it.

All in all, John thought as he drifted off, his first day of college was a complete success.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! If you've followed me over from the Les Mis fandom, first of all, THANK YOU for reading this! Second, those of you who normally read my fics will be used to an almost-nightly update schedule from me. I just want to warn you that this one will likely take me a little more time between chapters. It's maybe going to be the longest fic I've written, and I've got a lot more subplots to keep track of than usual. Also, I don't know these characters quite as well as the Amis, so it takes me longer to figure out what they want to do. I hope you enjoy this just as much as my other fics, and thanks for letting me take a break to write about some different dead revolutionaries for a while <3.


	2. Eliza, I Swear To God You'll Never Feel So Helpless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW for homophobia. It's fairly mild, and probably won't be triggering, but just in case.

John Laurens did indeed feel like shit the next morning.

He woke up around noon, according to his phone, with his head feeling like a bowling ball. His roommate had come home at some point in the night, as he was now sleeping in the other bed, though John hadn’t heard it. Luckily, John didn’t feel sick, just tired. He definitely wasn’t going to spend his second day at college laying around all day, so he got up quickly and gathered his things to go take a shower down the hall.

John spent all of that day and the next with Alex, Lafayette, and Hercules, exploring the dormitory and the campus and getting to know each other better. By the end of their third day at school, John felt like he had known them for his whole life.

Soon it was Tuesday, their first day of classes, and the only class John had was Law 1700: The Art of Debate, which was the class that all of his friends were in. He was happy that he wouldn’t have to go to his first class alone.

When he and Hercules entered the lecture hall, it seemed that a few members of the class were trying to get a head start on their debate homework. The seats in the room were organized in two groups on the opposite sides of the room, like a House of Commons, and the middle of the room, Alexander was standing about two inches from a much taller man’s face, tilting his head up to yell at him, while a short, pretty Asian girl watched with her mouth wide open.

“…No means ‘no’, not ‘ask again two seconds later’!” Alexander was saying. “How dare you make her feel uncomfortable at school? She has as much right to be here as you do!” John gathered that the tall guy, whoever he was, had been bugging the girl for a date and hadn’t relented when she’d denied him it.

Hamilton was little, but angry, he was downright frightening. The tall guy backed away a couple feet, but held his position. “Why don’t you, uh, why don’t you let the girl speak for herself?”

Now the girl got up in his face, jabbing a finger at him. “I did speak for myself!” she yelled. “I said I wasn’t interested! But you wouldn’t take no for an answer.” She was pretty frightening, too, John noted. Alex stood behind her, fuming.

“Maybe it’s not that you’re not interested in me,” the guy continued. “Maybe you’re just not interested in guys.”

Alexander lunged at the guy. John and Hercules stepped forward automatically to try and stop him, but the girl he was defending grabbed him first, pulling him back. The tall guy, confident a minute earlier, now hurried away to take a seat. _Coward,_ John thought.

“What’s going on here?” a voice said from behind John. He was jostled out of the way as a tall black girl in shorts and a cargo jacket pushed past him and ran towards Alex and the girl. “Eliza, are you okay?”

“Yeah, Angelica, I’m fine,” Eliza said, giving the other girl a hug. Angelica hugged her back, then turned to the seats to address another girl with curly hair, who sitting watching the proceedings with a nervous look on her face.

“Peggy, were you not going to back your sister up?!” Laurens assumed that Angelica must be Eliza and Peggy’s sister, too, from the way she was speaking to them.

“She was doing fine on her own!” Peggy protested. “And that guy got up to defend her before I could!”

“That guy’s name is Alex,” Eliza chimed in. “Alex, this is my other sister, Angelica Schuyler.”

“We’ve met,” Angelica said shortly. “He lives across the hall from me.” John was surprised – he thought he’d been doing well with making friends, but now he felt like everyone knew each other but him. He was about to introduce himself when the professor entered the room, gesturing for everyone to take their seats. John and Hercules followed Alexander back to his side of the hall, where Peggy, Lafayette, and the dorm RA Aaron were all sitting together.

“Hey, John,” Alex said, as he grabbed John by the arm and pulled him into the chair next to him, “Have you met Aaron Burr?”

John looked to the professor, who was still sorting out his papers, then nodded. “Briefly. He gave us our keys, remember?” John turned around in his seat to wave at Burr.

“He’s so cool,” Alex continued. “It’s only his second year here, but he’s already completed enough credits to be considered a junior! And guess what else? He’s an orphan, just like me!” Behind Alex, Burr grimaced, looking like he wished that he’d never told Alexander that information.

Alex turned around to try to speak to Burr more, but Burr had other plans.

“Psst! Angelica!” he whispered. Angelica spun around in her seat reluctantly, already giving him a dirty look.

“You rang?” she answered sarcastically.

“These are your sisters, then?”

Angelica rolled her eyes. “Obviously.”

“Well, forgive me if this is rude, but you don’t look very much alike.”

“It is rude,” Angelica said, at the same time Eliza said, “We’re adopted.”

“You don’t have to tell him that,” Angelica hissed at Eliza. Then she turned back to Burr. “Do you want something, Aaron?”

“As a matter of fact, I do. Are you rooming with Theodosia again this year?”

“Yes.”

“Does she still have that boyfriend?”

“Yes,” Angelica said more loudly. “But he moved back to England; his study abroad program was only for a year.”

“Interesting,” Burr said, smiling. “Very interesting.” Angelica gave him a look of disgust.

Apparently, Angelica was very popular, because as soon as she was done with Burr, someone else across the aisle – a guy with cropped curly hair and colourful Nikes on the feet he was resting on his desk – started calling for her. Whoever he was, Angelica must have found him even more offensive than she found Burr, because all he got from her was the finger.

Their professor cleared his throat then, calling the class to order.

“Hello everyone,” he said in a deep voice, “I’m Professor Washington, and this is The Art of Debate. I’ll hand out the syllabi now.” He passed a stack of papers to each side of the room.

John just set his down the desk when he got it, but Alexander started ripping through it right away.

“Look, John!” he said, pointing excitedly. “We aren’t writing any papers for this class – not that I don’t like writing papers, I really do – but all of our marks are going to be based on the debates! Isn’t that great!?”

John recalled Alex yelling in someone’s face five minutes earlier. This class could either go very well for him, or very badly.

“You’ll notice that this class is set up a little differently from a regular course,” Professor Washington continued. “Each week, I’ll be assigning you a topic that will be debated in the following class, and a side of the issue. Your homework will be to prepare arguments to bring to class for the formal debate. Understand?” Everyone nodded. “Good. Now, to start off, I’d like for us to go around the room, and all say a little bit about ourselves. There are 45 of us, so we’ll have to keep the introductions short. Just tell us your name, major, and one interesting fact about yourself.”

They started on the opposite side of the room. John learned that the guy who had been calling Angelica was named Thomas Jefferson, and that his father was also a professor at the school. Alexander muttered under his breath that that was a pretentious thing to say on the first day, and John and Lafayette laughed. Jefferson had a short friend with an asthma inhaler with him, who introduced himself as James Madison.

The guy who had been harassing Eliza was called Samuel Seabury. He was sitting near Hercules's roommate George, and John’s roommate Charles, who John hadn’t even realized was in this class until that moment.

On his own side of the room, John already knew almost everyone’s names, and most of their interesting facts. The only new things he learned about the people he was sitting with was that Angelica and Eliza weren’t law majors – Angelica was in business school, and Eliza was in journalism, and had just started writing for the school paper. They were taking this class so that they could share a course with Peggy.

When it was Alexander’s turn to share, he told the story of how he had almost died in a hurricane when he was younger, mildly horrifying the entire room. John’s fact was that he used to have a pet turtle.

Once the introductions were through, Professor Washington gave them a warm-up activity.

“Now, normally we will be using a formal debate structure in class,” he said. “However, today, I’m just going to give you a topic and open up the floor to whoever wants to speak. I just want to get your minds working.”

“So. Today’s topic will be immigration: should we open up our borders, or put up walls? I’ll let whoever speaks first decide which side of the room is on which side of the issue.” He gave a flourishing gesture, then settled back against the desk in the front of the room, ready to moderate.

Samuel Seabury was the first to stand, though he did so rather timidly.

“Samuel, is it?” Professor Washington said. “Please, go ahead.”

“Well…” Samuel started. “It’s just that… immigrants take away jobs that could go to real, hard-working Americans, don’t they? And, sometimes, they don’t even want to work; they just want to come here and sit on welfare, using up our resources…”

Seabury only spoke for about a minute, but by the time he was finished, John felt like he was sitting next to the Sun. Alexander looked ready to explode with anger.

“Um,” said Washington. “Okay. Thank you, Mr. Seabury. Who’s next?”

“Me!” Alex yelled, before Washington was even finished talking.

“Alexander, maybe you shouldn’t,” Burr whispered from behind them, but Alex waved him off dismissively.

“Go ahead, Mr. Hamilton,” Washington said.

Alexander stood up, cracked his knuckles – literally cracked his knuckles. John was learning just how dramatic he could be – and then started to speak.

Watching Alexander speak was like watching a carefully choreographed dance. John knew that, as an immigrant himself, Alexander would have some feelings about the topic. What he didn’t know was that Alexander was ready to quote statistics and studies and newspaper articles at the drop of a hat on a topic he’d spent about two minutes preparing for. And he wove every argument seamlessly into the next, speaking gracefully and calmly, though John could see that his hands were shaking.

Alexander was incredible at this; the entire room was silent while he spoke. John was captivated; he wasn’t even sure that he blinked during the entire five minutes Alex was talking. When Alex finally finished, John realized that he could have watched him do that all day.

He also realized, at that moment, that his feelings about Alexander were far more than friendly.

Alex sat down then, and looked to Washington immediately.

“That was excellent, young man,” Washington said. “Though perhaps a bit long. Let’s let someone else have a turn, shall we?”

Lafayette clapped Alex on the shoulder, and Hercules cheered. Even Burr seemed impressed.

The debate went on around them. Once the attention was on someone else, Alexander turned to John and whispered, “Did I really do okay?”

John thought that Alexander had done better than just ‘okay’, that he _was_ better than just ‘okay’, but he couldn’t figure out how to put his feelings into words yet. He settled for saying, “Yeah, you were great.”

***

A few evenings later, Alexander was in his room reading. Lafayette had gone to the library, and Alex was taking the evening to read up on next week’s debate topic – abortion, yikes – so that he’d be fully prepared. Alex’s team had won on the first day, but one of the students who had spoken after him, that snotty Thomas Jefferson whose _father_ taught at the university, had presented a challenge. He had shitty, but informed, opinions about the world, and there was no way Alexander was going to get beaten by him.

He was on his third book about the history of abortion access in the US when someone knocked on his door.

“Come in,” he called, pushing his glasses further up on his nose.

The door opened, and Eliza Schuyler poked her head in. “Are you free? And alone?”

“Yes, and yes,” Alex said, sitting up straighter and gesturing for her to join him on the bed. Alex was happy to see her; he had jumped up to defend her after only just learning her name, but since then, they had bonded. Now, she was a good friend. “You look so pretty, Eliza, I wish I had dressed up.” She was wearing a black blouse and a blue skirt, which she smoothed out as she sat down on the bed. Alexander was wearing sweatpants.

“Thanks,” she said, grinning. Then her smile faded.

“There’s something that I wanted to talk to you about,” she said, “and it’s kind of serious.”

“Serious?” Alex said. “Are you okay?”

“Mostly,” Eliza answered. “But not completely. It’s that Samuel guy from our class. He’s in one of my other classes, on editorial writing, and after I rejected him, he started a rumour about me. He told everyone that I’m, you know, not interested in men. That I like girls.”

“Oh,” Alexander said. “Well, first of all, I’m going to murder him for not leaving you alone. But, second of all, is it true?”

Eliza blushed, and looked down at the bedspread. “Yeah,” she said quietly.

“Hey,” Alex said, grabbing her hand. “You don’t have to be shy around me. I already told you that I’m bi! You can trust me.”

“I know,” Eliza said, still looking down. “But it’s a secret. Nobody knows except Angelica and Peggy. And now you.”

“Well, if what you need is help coming out, I can give you that—”

Eliza shook her head violently. “No, that’s not what I want. I’m not ready for anyone to know yet, that’s why I’m so upset about this idiot telling everyone rumours about me that he doesn’t even know are true!” Eliza rubbed her eyes. “I want your help, but for something else, not coming out.”

“Okay,” Alex said slowly. “For what then?”

Eliza gave him a pleading look. “I wanted to ask you if you would pretend to date me. Just for a while, until these rumours go away.”

Alexander sighed. “Eliza…”

“Alexander, please,” she begged. “If they see me with you, they’ll stop wondering if I like girls, and they’ll all be too scared of you to say anything about me.”

“Eliza,” he said again. “I’d do anything to help you, in a heartbeat, it’s just that… well, there’s kind of someone that I actually want to date for real.”

“Oh,” Eliza said, taken aback. “Who?”

He considered telling her. He knew Eliza would keep his secret, that he could trust her. But truthfully, he was a little embarrassed about his massive crush on John Laurens, his friend who saw him as just that: a friend. He felt silly about the way his heart skipped a beat every time he saw Laurens’ face, or how he spent a lot of his reading time zoning out and thinking about his smile or his curly hair or his freckles. After all, he had only known John for a week; he knew his mind was moving way too fast. Though it saddened Alex to think it, there was no way that John could feel the same way about him.

So he made a decision. “Okay, Eliza,” Alex said. “I’ll do it.”

“Really? Are you sure?”

“I’m sure,” he said, and Eliza screamed with joy and hugged him. “But only because you’re such a good friend. And only for a little while, right?”

“Right, I promise,” Eliza said. She was much happier now, and Alexander was glad.

“Won’t this bother your sister?” Alex asked her. “I think she has a crush on me. Or she hates me. It’s hard to tell.” Angelica alternated between flirting with Alexander and making fun of him when she saw him in the halls.

“When I tell her what you’re doing, she’ll understand,” Eliza said.

“Okay.” Alexander stood up, and led Eliza to the door. “Now, I’m sorry my dear, sweet girlfriend, but I have to cut our date night short to keep studying so I remain at the top of the class. You’ll be thanking me when we’re eighty and we’ve retired on my huge pension.”

Eliza rolled her eyes before leaving. “You’re so cheesy.”

“I’m the man you chose to fall in love with!” Alexander called after her. Then he shut the door, and went back to his bed, and back to reading his book.


	3. Let's Have Another Round Tonight

John’s second debate class turned out to be even more dramatic than the first.

Alexander and Lafayette were already waiting in the room when John and Hercules showed up, even though they themselves were fifteen minutes early. John noticed right away that Alexander looked stressed. He was always tense, as though on constant alert, but today his weariness was obvious.

“Are you okay?” John asked Alex, as he slid into the seat next to him. “You seem… on edge.”

“I am _very_ on edge,” Alex replied, turning to John and running a hand through his hair. “I just got my first payment from my student loans and it’s not nearly as much as I calculated that it would be.”

“I thought you had a scholarship?”

“A partial scholarship,” Alex corrected. “And student loans to cover the rest of my tuition and my housing and food. I should be okay if I just, like, don’t eat for the rest of the month, but there were still a couple books that I wanted to buy – just recommended readings for my Family Law course, nothing that I absolutely have to read, but I wanted to get ahead—”

“Alex,” John interrupted. Alexander would have kept talking all day if no one stopped him. “I’ll help you pay for the books.”

Alexander gave him a sad smile. “John, that’s very nice of you, but I can’t accept.” He shook his head in frustration. “I wish I could just get a job; I’m used to working and going to school. But if I work too much, they’ll take my student loans away.”

Laurens was about to suggest that Alex check out some used book stores when he heard someone across the aisle snickering. He and Alex both turned to see Thomas Jefferson sitting cross-legged at his desk, looking in their direction.

“Is something funny?” John asked him.

“No,” Jefferson said, a sickly sweet smile on his face. “Nothing at all.”

“Really?” Alexander said, swiveling in his chair to face Jefferson head-on. “Because it sounded like you were trying to start something.”

 _Jesus,_ John thought. _Not again._ In the corner of his eye, he saw Professor Washington enter the room. He tapped Alexander on the arm to try to stop him before he did something stupid, but it was already too late.

“Not all of us got into this school because we have parents who work here. Some of us had to earn it. Maybe you would be more understanding towards those of us who actually have to pay to be here if you had ever had to work for anything in your life!” Alexander stood up. Jefferson stood up, too. “Instead of getting a free ride handed to you on a silver platter from your _daddy_ —”

“I think that’s enough, boys,” Professor Washington said from the front of the room. Both Jefferson and Hamilton dropped back into their seats immediately.

“Tuition fees in this country are out of control,” Washington continued, walking over to address Hamilton. “But fighting with your fellow classmates isn’t going to make them any lower. If you want to effect change, son, you’re going to need to get organized.”

It was a small thing, but it did not escape Laurens’ notice the way Alexander’s eyes flashed when Professor Washington called him son.

“Class will begin in a few minutes,” Washington said, his back to them as he returned to the desk. “Please remember that this is a class on formal debates, not bar brawls.”

John looked to see if Jefferson was going to say anything else, but his attention had been distracted by the appearance of the Schuyler sisters in the classroom. The sisters tended to have that effect on people.

“Angelica!” Jefferson called. This time, she actually went over to talk to him.

Their conversation was too quiet to be overheard, but Jefferson was smiling in a vaguely charming way at Angelica in between shooting dirty looks at Alexander. By the time the sisters sisters made their way to their regular side of the room, Angelica was smiling, too.

“Alexander,” Angelica said by way of greeting.

“Sorry, I can’t come to the phone right now,” Alex said. “I don’t want to talk to anyone who associates themselves with _him_.”

Angelica rolled her eyes. “Eliza,” she said over her shoulder, “your boyfriend is being rude.”

John felt like the room had suddenly gotten very cold as he watched Eliza slide into the empty seat on the other side of Alexander and lean in to kiss him on the cheek.

Alexander turned back to John. “We’ve only been going out for a few days,” he said, sounding almost apologetic.

“I saw you yesterday, and the day before, and you never mentioned it,” John said bluntly.

Alexander pushed his glasses up on his nose. “I guess it slipped my mind.”

John nodded slowly.

“I’m really happy for you,” he said, the words sounding completely foreign to him. He forced a smile. “You two make such a cute couple.”

Alexander gave him an unreadable look, then smiled. “Thanks, John,” he said. At the front of the room, Professor Washington cleared his throat to call the class to order.

Three hours later, when class ended, John hadn’t a clue what the debate had even been about.

***

As soon as John got home from class, he collapsed face down on his bed. He was ostensibly trying to take a nap, as he and his friends had all planned to go to a pub off campus that night, but really he just felt like sulking.

 _Alexander has a girlfriend,_ John thought, replaying his moment of discovery over and over in his head.

He couldn’t pretend that it didn’t bother him. He knew that it was silly, because they were just friends, but John had thought…

He had thought that maybe, eventually, Alexander would grow to like him back.

 _And why didn’t Alex tell me?_ John’s mind continued on its downward spiral. Why wouldn’t he mention that he had a girlfriend until he was forced to admit it? Why wouldn’t he want to tell everyone about his new relationship? Alexander had never been one for staying quiet.

 _Unless_ , John thought. _Unless he knows how I feel about him and didn’t want to hurt my feelings._

 _Well, that’s just great._ John’s best friend was not only dating someone else, but also knew that John had a crush on him. That wasn’t embarrassing at all.

At least the solution was simple enough: John simply had to pretend like he didn’t feel anything other than platonic friendship for Alex. He wouldn’t do or say anything that would suggest otherwise, no matter how subtle. He was sad – or devastated – that Alexander didn’t want him back, but he would never give up being his friend. Even if it meant pushing all of his feelings aside.

With a sigh, John gave up on trying to nap, and moved over to his desk to attempt to do some homework before he left for the pub.

***

John’s plan to keep Alexander at a safe, companionable distance lasted about five minutes into the evening.

He had two problems: the first was that this particular establishment, a divey pub with layers of decades-old graffiti on the walls, valued making money more than they valued IDing college freshmen.

The second was that Alexander _really_ couldn’t hold his liquor.

“John Laurens!” Alexander practically screamed at him as he sat down. “I’m so happy you’re finally here!”

“Am I late?” John asked. “I said I was going to be get here at eight. But it seems like you’ve been here for a while.”

“We’ve only been here for forty-five minutes,” Lafayette deadpanned. “He’s just like this.”

John nodded. Alexander was trying to hug him from across the table.

Alexander alternated between tirades about tuition and tirades about how he loved all of his friends, like, so much all night. Apparently, what Professor Washington had said about needing to get organized if he wanted to make a change had stuck with him, and he was now drunkenly trying to plan a rally in between speeches about how much he loved Hercules’s fashion sense.

John noted that more of the speeches seemed to be about him than the others. Not that he was counting, of course. But after Alexander’s third discourse on John’s artistic talent – he had caught John doodling in his notebook during debate class – it was all becoming a bit overwhelming. It was lovely, to hear the guy he liked speak so highly of him, but it was also bittersweet, and John could only take so much of it.

After he finished his second beer, he excused himself, feigning exhaustion so he could escape back to his dorm. But Alexander, being Alexander, decided that he wanted to go home with John.

A long walk across the dark campus alone together was not what John had had in mind when he’d tried to leave, but at least it would be over quickly. John quietly slipped Lafayette some money to pay for Alexander’s drinks before they left.

The air outside was crisp but not chilly. Alexander was giggly and drunk, and clung to John to stay upright while they walked. That was funny, John thought, because Alexander had been perfectly able to stay upright when they had been inside the bar. But he was a little drunk himself by that point, and didn’t think to question it.

“Hey,” Alexander said, and John could hear the dare in his voice. “I bet you can’t give me a piggyback ride.”

John snorted. “I obviously can. You must weigh like fifty pounds.” John gave Alex a once-over. He really was quite thin; John hoped that he had been joking about not eating for the month.

“Prove it, then!”

“No,” John said. “You know I can; you’re just too lazy to walk!”

“Am not.”

“Are, too.”

Alexander pouted. “Please,” he whined, and damned if John could resist that.

“Fine,” John said, rolling his eyes. He stopped walking and leaned over, and let Alex hop up onto his back. Once he was settled in, John started walking again.

“You’re warm,” Alex said into John’s ear after a minute. John forcefully ignored how good Alex’s breath felt on his skin.

“That’s because I’m being made to work like a horse!” John said.

Alexander laughed. “Sorry,” he said, not sounding sorry at all. “I’m just too drunk to walk! But I’ll repay you the favour the next time you get too drunk to walk.”

John laughed. “Like you could carry me.”

Alexander promptly jumped off of John’s back. “I can _definitely_ carry you,” he said. “I’ll do it right now.”

“Two seconds ago you were ‘too drunk to walk,’” John pointed out. “And I really don’t believe that you can lift me.” The two were of the same height, but Alexander somehow seemed much smaller.

Alexander shrugged. “I can probably walk fine now,” he said, nonchalant. “Come on, John, let me try.”

“I don’t want you to hurt yourself. Or me.”

“John!”

“Fine!” John said again. Alexander leaned down, and John very carefully jumped onto his back.

John had thought that Alexander would simply drop him back to the ground within a few seconds. He had not expected Alex to tumble forwards, dragging both of them onto grass beside the sidewalk. John somehow ended up on top of Alexander, who was laying on the ground. He quickly stood up and helped Alex to his feet.

“Well, I hate to say ‘I told you so,’” John said, rubbing at a sore spot on his elbow.

“How about I let you say it and then you carry me the rest of the way home?” Alexander suggested.

John chuckled, and started walking. Alexander followed. “How about I don’t say it, but you walk home, because I now know why you were lying about not being able to walk.”

Alexander stopped walking, and stood still on the sidewalk, making John turn to see what was going on.

“Why was I lying?” Alexander asked intently.

John gave him a quizzical look. “Because you were just being lazy?”

After a moment, Alexander smiled. “You got me!” he said. Then he set off towards their dormitory so fast that John practically had to run to keep up with him.

John accompanied Alexander back to his room, just to make sure that he got in okay, then went back to his own. Charles wasn’t there – shocking – so John took up his prostrate position on the bed once more, considering the night’s events.

All in all, John thought, his Plan to Keep Alexander at Bay and Avoid Falling in Love with Him had been a complete failure.

Probably best just to abandon it altogether, then.


	4. Alexander, You're The Closest Friend I've Got

The fall semester flew by. The campus had never been more picturesque, the trees ablaze with red and the green grass iced over with frost in the mornings. The dorms were starting to get colder, and the students made up for it with big sweaters and even bigger blankets.

Between the end of September and the beginning of November, Lafayette had found himself a boyfriend, and then broken up with him. Alexander was still seeing Eliza, and had grown close with Professor Washington, who was helping him out with his plan to protest the high tuition fees at the school. John had continued to fall ever more helplessly in love with his best friend. Hercules had made himself three new pairs of pants.

The four of them and the rest of their debate team continued to excel in class. Even when placed on the “bad” sides of issues, the sides they disagreed with, they schooled their opponents each week. Alexander’s throat was sore after every class from the amount of talking he had done.

John preferred to watch Alexander rather than speak up himself. But he was beginning to grow concerned. Alexander was still as passionate as ever, but what had once been a spark in his eyes seemed have been replaced with a fury, a hungry need to prove himself rather than a desire to debate. But whenever John asked him about it, Alexander would brush him off, laughing and telling John that he worried too much. There was nothing John could do but keep an eye on him.

On the first Tuesday class in November, John was particularly concerned, for two reasons. The first was that Alexander was picking a fight again. Alex loved to pick fights, particularly with Thomas Jefferson, who was fast becoming Alexander’s rival.

But the second reason was that Alexander had chosen to pick this particular fight with Charles Lee, John Laurens’ roommate.

John wasn’t even really sure what the day’s topic was. He had been doodling in his notebook again instead of paying attention. But once he heard Charles’s voice, John put his book away and looked up. His roommate never talked in class.

“How the hell can you possibly think that?!” Alexander was saying – no, yelling – at Lee. So much for Washington’s “formal debate structure.” “If we put people to their death, how are we any better than the murderers themselves?!”

John assumed that the topic was whether or not the death penalty should be legal. He probably should have known that, but he hadn’t been able to make himself care.

Charles Lee huffed before answering Hamilton. John wondered what had gotten into him today. “Well, if they’re proven guilty of murder—”

“Proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt,” Alex interrupted. “You can never be one hundred percent sure unless the crime was caught on tape. And even then, how can you say that they deserve to die?”

“People deserve to be held responsible for their actions—”

“You deserve to be held responsible for this bullshit you’re spewing!”

“MISTER HAMILTON!” Washington roared. “Watch your mouth, son.”

Alexander kicked softly at the wooden partition in front of him, but he didn’t say anything else.

“I’m surprised you even disciplined him,” Charles muttered. “Figured you’d just play favourites like you always do.”

“What did you say about him!?” Alexander yelled.

“You heard me!”

Washington rounded on Lee. “That’s quite enough from you, too, young man. I think it’s probably best if both of you leave the class today. You can come back next week when you’ve got your heads on straight.”

“But sir!” Alex yelped.

“Enough, Alexander.” Washington held up his hand to silence him. “Lee, you leave now. Alex, you’ll stay here for a few more minutes. I don’t want the two of you arguing in the hallway.”

Lee listened, grabbing his stuff without hesitation and heading for the door, still muttering under his breath.

“We’ll take a few minutes to gather our thoughts before we start up again,” Professor Washington announced. When the room had erupted into conversation, Washington looked at Alexander again and added, “I mean it, son. If I hear one word about you fighting with Lee, there’ll be hell to pay.”

Alexander nodded curtly at Washington, then spun around in his seat, still fuming.

“I’m gonna fight him,” Alex said.

“No, you’re _really_ not,” said Mulligan.

“Definitely not,” Lafayette added. “ _Il me dégoûte_ , but you cannot fight him.”

“You will be in big trouble if you do,” Burr added from a couple rows back. Alex ignored him.

Alexander turned to face John. “What do you think I should do?”

John considered for a moment. Alexander looked more stressed out than ever. He hated to see him like that.

So he did something really, really stupid.

“Don’t do anything,” John said quietly, so that only Alex could hear. “I’ll take care of him.”

Alexander smiled, and that was enough.

***

The rest of the class passed without incident. At least John thought that it did. Without Alex there after the break, there was absolutely no reason left for John to pay attention. What he did spend the time doing was thinking about ways to get back at Lee for what he had said. He came up with the perfect plan.

It was a good thing that John was a decent cook, because brownies were already a difficult item to make, and hiding the taste of the laxatives in them was even harder.

The great part was that John didn’t really have to do any work after he baked them. He just left them out on his desk while he was in class the next day, and, sure enough, Lee stole three of them while he was gone. For once, it was to John’s advantage that Lee was such a shitty roommate.

When John saw Lee sprint out of their room in the direction of the bathroom that night, he felt pretty proud of himself, and pretty sure that he was going to get away with it, too.

Until he got called into Burr’s dorm room the next evening.

“Have a seat,” Burr instructed. The RAs didn’t have offices, so their dorm rooms doubled as their meeting space. John sat on the couch, and Burr pulled the chair over from his desk.

It was strange to be in a situation like this, after sharing a class with Aaron every week. John had forgotten that Burr was the one in charge of disciplining them in their residence. He twisted his hands together, feeling nervous.

“Is there something that you want to tell me, John?” Burr asked, getting straight to the point.

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Burr sighed. “John, I know that you made laxative brownies for your roommate. Charles came to speak to me last night.”

John tensed up. “I only made brownies for myself,” he said, holding up his hands.

Burr rolled his eyes. “You made laxatives brownies for yourself?”

John had no choice but to say yes, which he knew was completely transparent.

Burr seemed disappointed in him. “Fine, keep pretending. Honestly, John, you’re just lucky that you didn’t give them directly to him, or you’d probably be getting kicked out of rez right now. You’re getting off easy with a warning.”

John exhaled loudly, relieved to finally know what was going to happen to him. But Burr wasn’t finished.

“Did Alexander put you up to this?” Burr asked. “Because if he did—”

“He didn’t,” John interrupted. It was the truth, after all. “He wouldn’t.”

“Oh, I think he would,” Burr said, his gaze intense. “We all see what he’s like in class, John. But you’re a good kid. You don’t want to get mixed up with his antics.”

“Can I go?!” John said, too loud.

Burr sighed again, then nodded. “Fine,” he acquiesced. John practically ran from the room.

He was surprised to find Alexander waiting for him in the hallway.

“John!” Alex yelled. “Oh my god! Are you getting kicked out!? What happened?!”

John shushed him. “Not here,” he hissed. Alexander got the hint quickly, and led John back to his own dorm room, where Lafayette and Mulligan were waiting.

Alexander didn’t even wait until the door was shut to start talking again.

“Hercules heard Burr call you in from inside his room! Please tell me you’re not getting kicked out!”

“I’m not getting kicked out,” John mumbled. Alexander threw himself at John so hard they both fell onto the bed. It took John a moment to extricate himself from Alexander’s hug. Alex had him in a death grip.

When he was free, he repeated: “I’m not getting kicked out. All Burr did was give me a warning.”

“A warning for what?” Lafayette asked.

John paused for a moment before saying, “I made Charles a plate of brownies and put laxatives in them.”

Alexander hooted with laughter and hugged John again. Hercules smiled, but Lafayette remained serious.

“Why did you do this?” Lafayette asked.

 _Because he made Alex angry and I can’t stand it when he’s unhappy_.

“Because he was talking shit about Professor Washington,” John said instead. “He’s a good man.” _Alex likes him, anyway._ “Lee deserved what he got.”

“I agree that your roommate is an ass,” Lafayette continued, “but you could have gotten tossed out of the school.”

“Laf, don’t be like that!” Hamilton interrupted. He was still holding onto John. “Charles Lee is a dick and John Laurens is my hero.” Alexander leaned in and gave John a big, sloppy kiss on the cheek. John just hoped that his friends couldn’t tell that he was freaking out inside.

“And what are we supposed to do then, Laf?” Hamilton added. “Just let all these jerks get away with being jerkfaces?”

“Very eloquent,” Lafayette sneered. “And no, that’s not what I said. I just think that if you really wanted to show them how wrong they are, you should show them that in the debates. Not in the toilets.”

Alexander started to reply, but Mulligan cut him off.

“It was a great prank, and it’s over now, and no one got in trouble or got hurt,” Mulligan said peaceably. “Let’s just leave it at that.”

Alexander looked like he wanted to challenge that, but John was fine to let the matter drop – he was starting to feel very silly about the whole thing – and one look from John was enough to make Alexander shut up. Unfortunately, it also made Alex realize that he was still hanging off of John’s arm, and he backed away.

The four of them stayed in the room until late, eating chips and cookies from Lafayette’s small supply of junk food. Hercules was the first to leave, going back to his room around eleven to finish up some homework. John left around midnight, when Lafayette nodded off in the middle of their conversation. When John got up to go back to his room, he gestured silently for Alexander to join him in the hallway.

John wasn’t exactly sure what he was doing, but he knew he needed to say something.

“What’s up?” Alexander said, as he closed the door behind them.

“I didn’t make the brownies because Charles insulted Professor Washington,” John blurted out. “I did it for you. Because I knew you were upset, and you couldn’t do anything about it. And I didn’t want you to be upset anymore.”

Alexander just stared at him for a moment. “Thank you, John,” he said, his voice thick.

John nodded, and turned to go.

“Hey!” Alex called after him. John turned back. “You’re my best friend, John. You know that, right? You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.”

John smiled, and looked down at the ground. “You’re my best friend, too, Alexander.”


	5. I Stay At Work With Hamilton, We Write Essays

When John and Hercules arrived in debate class the following Tuesday, the first thing John noticed was that Alexander actually seemed to be in a good mood. He was just sitting quietly at his desk, smiling slightly and – this was the crazy part – not talking at all.

John was impressed; he figured that his prank had made Alexander so happy that it had carried over into the next week. He was feeling like today was going to be a good class when he took his seat next to Alex.

“Hey,” John said.

“I’m gonna kill Thomas Jefferson,” replied Alexander. John buried his face in his hands.

“Why?” John whined.

“He keeps making faces at me across the room,” Alexander said. John looked up. Thomas Jefferson was talking to his friend Madison, not even looking in their direction.

“Alexander,” John started, but Hamilton cut him off.

“I swear, he was just doing it— look, look now, John!”

John whipped his head around. Sure enough, Thomas Jefferson was indeed _making a face_ at Alexander. _Thank god,_ John thought. He was starting to believe that Alex had completely lost his mind.

“Just ignore him,” John said. “You got in enough trouble last week. Don’t let him bait you.”

“Yeah, you’re probably— wait, why is Angelica talking to him again?”

The Schuyler sisters had just entered the classroom. Peggy and Eliza were heading towards their regular seats, but Angelica had hung back to talk to Jefferson.

“Eliza, sweetheart,” Alexander said as his girlfriend sat down. “Why is your sister talking to that jackass?”

“I don’t know,” Eliza shrugged. “I don’t like him, but the two of them are friends, I guess.”

Alexander huffed. “Make them not be.” Across the room, Jefferson was making faces at them again. In her defense, Angelica did seem to be trying to stop him. James Madison surveyed the scene then took a deep breath from his asthma inhaler.

“Why don’t you try being calm for once?” Eliza suggested to Alexander. Alexander grumbled under his breath, but he bent over and started pulling his books out of his bag without saying anything. John smiled gratefully at Eliza over Alex’s head – it seemed that she had dissolved the tension.

For now.

***

The class passed without incident. Their team won the debate as usual, Alexander kept his temper and spoke calmly – Professor Washington seemed impressed. Jefferson made a few more faces when Washington wasn’t looking, but mostly he left Alex alone. John even managed to actually say something for once.

John wanted to walk back with Alexander and Lafayette when class finished, but Hercules stayed back, and asked John wait with him.

“Why aren’t we leaving?” John asked.

“Shh,” said Hercules. “Just look.”

John followed Mulligan’s eye line across the room to where George, Hercules’s roommate, was whispering in the corner with Samuel Seabury and Charles Lee (who was completely ignoring John’s existence since the brownie incident).

“Since when are they all friends?” John asked.

“I was wondering the same thing,” Hercules said. “Georgie doesn’t really have any friends. At least, I didn’t think he did until now.”

The group across the room noticed then that they were not the only ones still remaining in the room, and dissipated quickly.

“We’re gonna keep an eye on that,” Hercules said. Now that there was nothing to watch, he headed for the door, and John followed.

***

On Saturday night, John got a lovely surprise. The Schuylers were out of town, and Mulligan and Lafayette had a double date, and had implied through a series of winks and innuendos that neither of them was going to be coming home that night. Alexander had asked Laurens to come over to his room and work with him on planning his protest. John was ecstatic to spend time alone with Alexander, despite also being a little bit terrified.

At least the work was easy. Alexander sat at his desk, and John lounged on Alex’s bed with his laptop. Alex didn’t really need help; he just needed an audience. Professor Washington had given him information on how to get the event cleared with the school, and Alexander was working on writing letters to the school officials that he had to contact before the big day in two months. All John had to do was sit and listen to Alexander read them out loud in between homework problems, which was no trouble at all.

They got dinner together in the dining hall. John was starving, and wolfed down his spaghetti, but Alexander just picked at his food. He looked tired, too; there were prominent bags under his eyes. John was getting far too used to seeing him like this. He worried the entire walk back to the dorm.

“Hey, Alex,” John said, sitting down on the bed in the dorm room once more. “Are you okay?”

Alexander abandoned the desk and came to join Laurens on the bed. “Of course I am. Why do you think I’m not?”

John shrugged. “You hardly ate any dinner. And you always seem exhausted lately from working so much.”

Alexander bristled. “I grew up not eating very much. I’m used to it. And I work so much because I have to, John. I have to work harder than anyone else to be here. And I have to work harder so I can make it better here for people like me in the future! Do you think I’m just going to give up?!”

John was very worried that he had gone too far. “Alex, of course not. Of course you shouldn’t give up. That’s not what I meant at all. I just meant that you should try to relax a little, if you can. And definitely eat if you’re hungry.”

“Oh.” Alexander softened. “Sorry I snapped at you,” he said sheepishly. “I guess I am kind of stressed out.”

“Would you be willing to stop working for tonight, and just hang out?” John asked him. “It’s already 8pm, the day’s almost over anyway. We could just watch TV or something.”

Alexander was tempted, John could tell. “Can I just write one more letter?” Alex bargained. “I promise it will be quick.”

John smiled. “Fine,” he said, pulling out his sketchpad as Alexander moved to his desk.

Half an hour later, Alex left his computer and came to sit next to John against the wall on the bed.

“Okay,” he said. “I’m all yours.”

John laughed nervously, and opened his usual streaming site on the computer, tossing his notebook onto the blanket.

Of course Alexander picked it up. John grimaced while Alexander studied the drawings – mostly of animals – on the page.

“These are really good, John,” Alexander said. “Even when you’re just doodling in class, your drawings are always great. You're really talented.”

John smiled and played with the string on his hoodie. “Thanks, Alex.” Alexander bumped their shoulders together.

John let Alexander pick what they watched, and of course he picked _The West Wing_ , his favourite show. John didn’t really care for it, but if it would get Alex to relax, he’d watch anything. John subtly got up and grabbed a box of cookies from the shelf under the mini-fridge, pretending they were for himself. He was happy when his plan worked, and Alexander started eating them unconsciously. It was junk, but at least it was food.

About halfway through the second episode, Alexander paused the video and looked very seriously at John.

“Are _you_ okay, John?”

John laughed. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Alexander shrugged. “I don’t know. But you asked me, and I thought I should ask you, too, just in case.”

John was about to reassure Alexander that he was just fine, but Alex interrupted him before he could speak.

“Actually,” Alex continued, “now that I think of it, maybe we should talk about why you’re always drawing in class, and not taking part in the debate. That’s what our entire mark in that class in based on John, you know that.”

“I don’t know,” he mumbled.

Alexander looked thoroughly concerned at that. He turned his entire body to face John directly. “John, talk to me.”

John fidgeted under Alexander’s stare, tucking his hands into his sleeves.

“I don’t know,” he said again. “I guess I don’t talk much because I don’t really care about the class. I like listening to you argue with people and all, but I don’t really like talking in front of everyone. I know the issues are important, and I really believe it’s important that we talk about them, I just… I don’t know, I’d rather listen.”

Alexander adjusted his glasses. “What about your other classes?”

John considered that. He’d never even really thought about it before.

“I don’t like any of them,” he said a moment later. “I actually kind of hate them all.” He couldn’t believe this was only just occurring to him. “And I definitely don’t want to be a lawyer.”

John looked at Alexander. “You must think I’m such an idiot.”

“What?! Of course I don’t, John,” Alex said, moving closer to give John a one-armed hug. “I would never, ever think you were an idiot. But, if I can ask, how come you chose this program if you don’t want to be a lawyer?”

John grimaced. “My dad kind of made me,” he admitted.

Alexander exhaled loudly. “John, that’s awful.”

“It wasn’t exactly like that,” John said, trying to backtrack. “My dad is a lawyer, too, and he wanted me to take over the family practice someday, and I… I guess I just went with it.”

“If you could do anything else,” Alex said, “what would you do?” He grabbed the sketchbook. “You’re amazing at drawing. Would you want to be an artist?”

John shook his head. “It’s not the drawing that I like so much, it’s the animals. I’ve always really liked them. I guess I’d like to do something with animals.” John paused. “When I was little, I really wanted to be a vet.”

Alexander grinned. “Well there you go!” he said. “You’d make a great vet, John. If you’re unhappy in your classes, maybe you should think about switching majors.”

Any sense of excitement that Alexander had rallied in John quickly left him. “My dad would never let me,” he said. “And he’s the one paying my tuition.” Alexander gave him a look of sympathy; there was nothing to be done, at least for the time being.

“Besides,” John said, trying to keep the mood light. “I’m not totally unhappy with our debate class. At least you’re in it.”

Alexander gave him another hug. “For what it’s worth,” he said, “I’m very happy that you’re there with me, too.”

***

They got through two more episodes before Alexander fell asleep on John’s shoulder. John was quite comfortable, and he had never actually seen Alexander sleep before, so he stayed where he was and pried Alex’s glasses off without waking him. Alex looked peaceful, John thought, for the first time since they’d met.

John turned off his computer and set it down on the other side of the bed. Soon, he fell asleep, too, his head on top of Alexander’s.

When John woke, his first thought was that he was uncomfortable. That was probably due to the fact that Alex was lying on top of him.

Lafayette’s alarm clock said that it was 2:55 a.m. John was thankful that Lafayette really hadn’t come home that night; he didn’t know what he would have thought if he had walked in on this scene, John lying awake under a loud-snoring Alexander. John himself couldn’t decide whether this was his best dream or worst nightmare. The phrase _he has a girlfriend_ ran through John’s mind.

He, sadly, had to wake Alexander up. His arm was asleep, and he was stiff from sleeping in a weird position. He poked Alexander in the arm until he awoke.

“Wha? Wha?!” Alex sputtered. He blinked a few times, still unaware of what was going on. John handed him his glasses from the shelf above the bed.

“John?” Alexander asked drowsily, now that he was able to see. John nodded to confirm that it was him.

Still half-asleep, Alexander reached out and ran his fingers across John’s cheek, smiling a dazed smile. Alexander’s hands were cold, but they felt like fire against his skin.

After a few seconds, John snapped out of the trance Alex’s touch had put him in. “Okay, Mr. Sleepyhead,” John said, deliberately casual. “Time for me to go back to my room.”

John lifted Alexander off of him and crawled off the bed, leaving Alexander in the same spot on the mattress. Alex fell back asleep within seconds.

It had taken a lot of self-control for John to stop Alexander from touching him. So don’t hold him too guilty for having stood for a few minutes and watched fondly as Alexander slept before leaving for his own room.


	6. One Last Time

On the first Monday in December, the day before John and his friends’ last day of class together, two things happened. Number one: it snowed for the first time that year. Number two: Alexander’s semester-long feud with Thomas Jefferson finally blew up in his face.

It was just after 6pm, and John was in the cafeteria with his friends and the Schuylers. Alexander had been planning on giving a speech to promote the protest, which would be taking place in February, but he had been distracted by the weather.

“I just hate the snow so much!” he was saying. “It’s not just that it’s cold; it’s so inconveniencing, too! It’s hard to walk on, it makes the buses late…”

“I actually kind of like it,” John said. “We hardly ever get snow in South Carolina. It makes everything look so much more Christmas-y here. And it’s fun to make snowmen.” John had made one yesterday, with Hercules’s help.

“They should be called snowpeople,” Alexander retorted. “But you’re probably right, John. Now I feel like making a snowperson.”

“Two seconds ago, you said you hated snow,” Angelica said, pointing at Alexander with her pizza crust.

“Yes, well,” Alex blustered. “If John likes it, it can’t be all bad.”

John blushed. _Why did Alex have to say things like that? Did he have any idea what they did to him?_ Across the table, Angelica gave John a strange look.

“Hey,” John said, changing the subject, “There are lots of people here now. You should probably make your announcement.”

“Yeah!” Eliza put in. “Go get ‘em, babe!”

Alexander laughed. “Thanks, dear.” He stood and moved Eliza’s dinner further down the table, and then climbed up onto it.

“Ew,” Lafayette said. “We eat on that.”

“Not right on the table, we don’t,” Hercules countered. “Or, at least, I hope you don’t.”

“Shh!” Alexander hissed down at them. Then he faced the crowd.

John had assumed that Alexander was just going to tell people quickly what his protest was going to be about, and then give them the details of how they could help out and where it was going to be taking place. He should have known better.

“…and that is why, fellow scholars,” Alexander finished, ten minutes later, “we must stand up to these fat cats! Education is a right for all, not a privilege that need be bought!” He thrust his fist into the air.

John had hung on every word of the speech, of course, but he’d expected apathy from his fellow students. He was surprised when the entire cafeteria burst into applause when Alex finished talking.

When the applause faded away, there was one person who continued clapping, albeit slowly and somehow sarcastically. John turned around in his chair to see Thomas Jefferson and his crony James Madison behind him.

“What a lovely speech,” Jefferson said.

“Top show,” Madison put in.

“Thanks, gentlemen,” Alexander said, though his hands were slowly curling into fists. He jumped down from the table and walked around it to meet them.

“There was one part I didn’t really enjoy, however,” Thomas continued. “The part about how the students here are overworked and the professors are overpaid.”

“Really?” Alexander asked. “I would have thought you’d loved hearing me insult your father.”

“Actually, no, I didn’t care for it.” Jefferson picked at one of his nails, his posture stiff. “In fact, I cared for it so little that I think I might have to plan a protest of my own in response to yours. A counterprotest, if you will.”

“Go right ahead,” Alexander said. “Mine will still be, of course, superior, considering that I, unlike you, was actually admitted to this school for my intelligence, and not for my father’s chequebook.”

“Either that,” Jefferson said, “or for pity, because of the fact that you don’t actually have a father.”

Before Alexander could respond, Angelica stood up.

“Will you two please stop?” she asked. “You’re both my friends, and you’re both being ridiculous. Just stop before one of you does something stupid.”

Alexander nodded slowly. “Okay, Ang,” he said. “Sure. I can do that.” He nodded to Jefferson and Madison, and then started to turn away.

And then he pulled his arm back and punched Thomas Jefferson in the face.

Laurens tried to jump up to stop them from fighting, but Madison had his foot against his chair. Luckily, Burr, who had been sitting at the next table over, got in between them. The entire cafeteria’s attention was still on their table.

“Alexander!” Burr yelled when the two of them finally stopped trying to fight each other over his shoulders. “You are so lucky that this didn’t happen in our residence, or I’d be kicking you out right now!”

Alexander shrugged Burr’s hand off of his shoulder and went back to his seat, muttering something under his breath.

“I, for one, am so sorry this happened,” Jefferson simpered to Burr. “I’d hate for you think that I started this, Mr. Burr.” Madison nodded eagerly behind him.

John rolled his eyes. _Mr. Burr?_ Burr and Jefferson were the same fucking age.

“Of course not, Thomas,” Burr said. “I know you’re better than _that_.” Burr shot a look at Alexander, who nearly jumped up again. John felt Lafayette kick Alex under the table to keep him in his seat.

“Say, why don’t you come sit with us?” Jefferson asked Burr. Burr seemed flattered by the offer, and followed Madison and Jefferson over to their table, calling “Behave, Alexander” over his shoulder as he went, which was met with much laughter from his new buddies.

Alexander was in a grumpy mood for the rest of the meal, randomly interjecting insults about Jefferson into the conversation. John wanted to comfort him, but Eliza was already trying, and it wasn’t getting her anywhere. John wasn’t sure how the audience in the cafeteria would react to the fight; he hoped that it was just create more reason to tell their friends about Alexander’s speech.

They all left the dining hall together, but John left the group at the door, heading for the library to get a couple books he needed. He hadn’t told anyone, but he was very behind on his final assignments and needed to at least try to catch up. He didn’t have his usual motivation after his realization that he didn’t care for his classes anymore, but he would still get the work done.

When he got back from the library, he found Alexander sitting on a bench outside Monmouth Hall alone.

“What are you doing out here?” John asked. “I thought you hated the cold.”

“‘Was waiting for you,” Alexander said shortly. “‘Was gonna ask you if you wanted to make a snowperson. But I’m still too mad.”

John sat down beside Alexander, slipping his backpack off. “Jefferson is a complete asshole. Everyone knows that. He had it coming. No one’s going to hold it against you for hitting him.”

“He’s gonna tell Professor Washington, I just know it,” Alex said. “And then he’s going to be so disappointed in me.”

“He won’t be,” John said. “I promise.” He knew how important Professor Washington’s opinion was to Alex. “He has to be nice to Jefferson because it’s his job, but he always sides with you when the two of you argue.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Alexander said with a shrug. He didn’t say anything else, just stared straight ahead for a while.

John was becoming an expert in Alexander’s moods, but this defeatist attitude was something that he’d never seen before. It didn’t fit; usually, when Alexander got into arguments, he left them more fired up than he had been before.

“Hey,” John said. “Is this all that you’re mad about? Or is there something else?”

Alexander turned to him. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know,” John said honestly. “I know you’re doing well in all of your classes, so it can’t be that. Is everything okay with you and Eliza?”

Alexander stared at John for what felt like eternity before answering. “Yeah, everything’s fine,” he said tonelessly.

“Okay,” John said. He was still worried, but if Alexander didn’t want to talk (which, truly, would be a first), John wasn’t going to make him. “Unless you’re feeling up to building that snowperson, then, we should probably go in. We’re going to turn into popsicles out here.”

John moved to get up, but Alexander grabbed his hand.

“Please,” he said. “Can we just sit here for a while? Will you stay?”

John sat back down. Alexander didn’t release his hand, and John didn’t pull away. He couldn’t.

“Of course,” John said, settling in again. “Of course I’ll stay.”

***

Their last day of class together passed in a whirlwind. They had their final debate of the year, on the legalization of marijuana, and Alexander single-handedly destroyed the other team, leaving Jefferson fuming. He managed to do it without losing his temper once, too, which John knew he was doing on purpose so as not to make Washington angry with him.

But at the end of the class, Professor Washington had a surprise for them.

“I have one final announcement to make before we part for the holidays,” he said. “It is with regret that I tell you all that I am stepping down from my teaching position immediately. I was set to retire at the end of this year, but my health hasn’t been at its best recently. That means that you’ll have a new professor in this class for the next term, but I assure you, Professor Adams will continue to teach the class in the same way that I have.”

The announcement was met with groans all around; all in all, most of the students quite liked Professor Washington. Who knew what this Adams guy was going to be like?

John really didn’t care that much about getting a new professor. What he did care about was Alexander, who was sitting stock-still in the seat beside him, a look of utter despair on this face. When Professor Washington dismissed them, John tried to grab Alexander’s arm, but he was already gone, running up to the front of the classroom.

John waited outside the room for him for ten minutes with Lafayette and Hercules, but they decided after that amount of time, it would be best to let him walk back alone and gather his thoughts.

Almost an hour after John returned to his dorm room, there was a knock at the door. John leapt up to answer it, thinking it could be Alexander. He was right.

“Are you alone?” Alex asked, pushing past John into the room.

“Yeah,” John said. “Charles usually comes home late after class on Tuesdays; I think he hangs out with that Samuel Seabury.” Alexander threw himself down onto his side on John’s bed. John sat down gingerly next to him, and that was when he noticed that Alexander was crying.

“Alexander, hey,” John said, trying to get him to sit up. “Please don’t cry.”

Alexander buried his face in John’s shoulder. John felt his arms wrap around him automatically.

“He’s leaving me,” Alexander said in a very small voice. “Just like last time.”

John wasn’t sure he knew what Alex meant by that, but he didn’t push it.

“You can still email him, or meet with him,” John said.

“It’s not the same,” Alex said, sniffling. “He was helping me with my protest. And with everything… I can’t do it without him!”

“Alexander,” John said, pulling back and grabbing Alex by the shoulders. “You can do _anything_ , okay? You are capable of doing whatever you want to. We’ll all help out more with the protest, if that’s what you want, but you are capable of doing it on your own.”

Alexander shook his head. “Everything’s going wrong for me,” he said miserably. “Professor Washington’s leaving, Jefferson’s fighting everything I do, Burr hates me for no reason, and…” He trailed off.

“And?” John prompted.

Alexander seemed to be deliberating on whether or not to tell John what the ‘and’ entailed, and decided on saying it.

“And it’s been three months and I still haven’t been able to do this,” Alex said, before pulling John in for a kiss.

John was too shocked at first to even kiss back, and once he did, he was still too shocked to realize that there was a reason they shouldn’t have been doing this. In between pulling Alex into his lap and tangling his fingers into his hair and biting at his bottom lip, his brain couldn’t put the pieces together fast enough.

He managed to complete the puzzle eventually, though, and John remembered the reason this was bad: Alexander wasn’t single.

John pulled back once it clicked. “You have a girlfriend,” he breathed against Alexander’s mouth.

Alexander pressed another kiss to John’s lips. He was still crying, John noted. “I know.”

John felt like he might cry, too. “Then you shouldn’t be kissing me,” he said, the words feeling completely wrong.

Alexander nodded, the tears falling more freely now. “I know,” he said again.

John hated himself for saying, “I think you have to go.”

Alexander choked out a sob, and pulled John in for one last, deep kiss. Then he crawled off of John’s lap and left the room without saying a word.


	7. The Plan Is To Fan This Spark Into A Flame

John Laurens returned to school in the third week of January, having spent his entire break at home in South Carolina.

He had waited until the last possible day to return to campus, his friends all having been back for a week already. He wasn’t happy to be back. Actually, he wasn’t happy at all. There was the matter of his mediocre grades, which would now cause him to spend the entire next semester working tirelessly to catch up if he wanted to pass his classes in April. There was his parents’ overwhelming disappointment with those grades, which he had been forced to show to them at his father’s insistence. There was the fact that, after spending five of the six weeks of break trying to work up the courage to ask them to let him switch majors or drop out, he was told that he wouldn’t be allowed to do either.

And there was the sick feeling in his stomach that accompanied thoughts of seeing Alexander again.

When John got to his room, he found Hercules’s door wide open, his friend sewing something at his desk.

John knocked. “Hey.”

Hercules stopped sewing and jumped up to hug him. “Hey! How was your break?”

“Boring,” John said. Actually, _depressing_ was probably a better word, but he didn’t want to bring Hercules’s mood down. “How was yours?”

“Awesome, dude, awesome. It was sweet seeing my family.” John didn’t say anything.

“Hey, man,” Hercules continued. “You didn’t see our roommates on your way up here, did you?”

John shook his head. “Why?”

“I don’t know,” Hercules said, puzzled. “I think they’re up to something.”

“Hm,” was all John said in reply.

“Oh well. Are you excited to meet our new prof tomorrow? Professor Adams?”

John couldn’t think of anything he was less excited for than going to that class. “Sure,” he said. “I’m gonna go in now, and unpack my stuff.”

“Cool,” Hercules said. “Knock on my door if you want to go get dinner later.”

John told him that he might, though he had no intention of doing so (Hercules might invite Alexander), and went inside his own room. It was thankfully empty.

The room held a new significance for John now, one that he would much rather have avoided. It was now not only his dorm room, but the room in which his and Alex’s kiss had happened. John tossed himself down on the bed, trying very hard to ignore what went on there a month ago.

Kissing Alex after waiting so long had been… well, it had been incredible. Even if Alex was crying the whole time. And had basically only kissed him because he was upset, and… and. And what?

John still couldn’t figure out what it had meant, even though he had had an entire month and a half to think about it. In looking over three months’ worth of Alexander’s behaviour, John thought that maybe, just maybe, he could find evidence that Alexander returned the feelings that John had for him. An extra hug here, a goofy smile there. Fingers swiped across John’s cheekbone in the middle of the night. It wasn’t impossible to build a case for Alexander caring about him, too.

But that only made things worse in John’s mind, because what kind of person was Alexander, if he could show all of those signs of flirting with John when he had a girlfriend? Was that really the kind of person that John wanted to date? What would happen when he moved on to the next person? John wasn’t thrilled that the object of his affections was with someone else, but he had never once thought ill of Eliza for it, and he never would. He felt immensely guilty thinking about how long it had taken for him to remember she existed when her boyfriend’s tongue was down his throat.

And so John had made a resolution weeks ago, one that was only made more concrete now, revisiting the scene of the transgression. Alexander was a lot of wonderful things, but he was also a cheater, and John wouldn’t stand for that. Not in a lover, not in a crush, and not even in a friend.

***

Walking into class the next day was torturous.

Generally, the entire room was tense, everyone waiting for the new professor to show up and show his colours. Angelica was on the wrong side of the room again, cavorting with Jefferson. Burr, for some reason, had taken a seat beside Madison.

Specifically, Alexander was already there, sitting between Lafayette and Eliza and holding the latter’s hand, his face reflecting the exact misery that John was feeling when their eyes met.

John felt like his shoes were full of concrete as he crossed the room with Hercules and took a seat in the row behind Alexander.

“ _Salut_ , John,” Lafayette greeted him. “It is nice to have you back. We are all together again!”

“Did you have a nice break?” Eliza asked. Alexander still hadn’t turned around.

“Yeah, it was great,” John replied lamely. He probably should have asked about her break, but he couldn’t look her in the eye for long enough.

Finally Alex faced him. “Hi,” was all he said. He looked like he was expecting to be reprimanded just for that.

“Hi.”

“I missed you,” Alexander said, and he meant it, too; John could read it all over his face.

 _And damn him_ , John thought, because now he would look like an asshole if he didn’t say it back. “I missed you, too,” John mumbled. At least it was the truth. He leaned over to fiddle with his backpack, trying desperately to end the conversation.

While John was living out his absolute worst nightmare, Professor Adams must have entered the room, because after a full ninety seconds of John pretending to be engaged with his pencil case, their new professor was calling the class to order.

John raised his head to see what Adams looked like. He wasn’t at all what John was picturing. Professor Washington had been big and tall, and this guy was pretty much his exact opposite. John wasn’t tall himself, but he would have towered over Adams.

Adams also didn’t have the same command of the room that Washington had had. It took him half a minute to get everyone to quiet down enough for him to speak.

He gave a little introductory speech about himself and his goals for the semester, most of which John tuned out. Unlike the rest of his classes, which had more assignments for John to try and do better on than he had been doing, this class was pretty much a lost cause. He was hoping that being on the winning side of the debate and occasionally putting in the odd comment would be enough to earn him a passing grade. At least his attendance was perfect.

They hadn’t been given any debate topics over the holidays, so Adams gave them one now: assisted suicide. John wasn’t touching that one with a ten foot pole, not without doing research first so he didn’t say something stupid. He’d come more prepared next week (maybe).

They were given five minutes to deliberate amongst themselves. Alexander spent the entire time talking frantically to – at – the people sitting around him, and John spent it trying not to listen.

When Adams finally called the debate to order, of course Alexander was the first to volunteer to speak. Unfortunately, something was off for him. He was overly emotional and not analytical, relying on raising his voice to make his point. He even slipped in an f-bomb, presumably by accident. Needless to say, it did not go over well.

“It’s Hamilton, is that right?” Professor Adams asked, when Alexander was finished.

“Yes.”

“Where are you from, Mr. Hamilton? I thought I detected a slight accent.”

John was taken aback. Alexander’s accent was _barely_ noticeable, and even though Alex wasn’t his favourite person right now, John knew that he was probably self-conscious about it. It was bizarre for Professor Adams to bring it up.

“I’m from Nevis, in the Caribbean, sir,” Alex answered.

“I see,” Adams said slowly. “Well, boy, I think I must inform you that, here in _America_ ” – he sounded it out as though he was talking to a child – “we don’t swear or raise our voices in order to get our opinions heard. Please keep that in mind in the future.”

John was livid, and so was everyone around him. No one said anything – if this was the kind of teacher Adams was, what good could it do to strike back without thinking it through? – but the same energy was palpable in each of them. Each of them except, strangely, for Alexander, who just flopped back down in his seat listlessly.

Across the room, Jefferson was hooting with laughter. John felt like setting him on fire. Madison was giggling along, in between coughs. To his (very small) credit, Burr at least was not laughing.

Alexander didn’t say a word for the rest of the day. None of their friends did – most of them hadn’t yet picked their jaws up off the floor after the blatant prejudice shown by their teacher. They lost the debate by a mile. It wasn’t until class was dismissed that anyone spoke.

“We’re going to go straight to the school administration,” Angelica said.

“Yeah,” Peggy put in. It was rare that she spoke up. “There’s no way he can get away with that!”

“And starting next week, we are going to fight back against him in this class,” Lafayette added. “If he thinks your accent is bad, wait until he hears me.”

“That’s nice, guys, but don’t worry about it,” Alex said. His voice was completely flat. “There’s no point. We’ll just have to be on our best behaviour next week.”

“You serious, man?” Mulligan asked.

“Alex, come on, we have to do something,” Eliza said.

“We don’t!” Alex cried. Then he clearly became aware that he had raised his voice again, because he added much more quietly, “Just let it go, please.”

Everyone grumbled about it, but they agreed in the end.

“Thank you,” Alex said, and they began to disperse. “John. Can I talk to you for a minute?”

John was already halfway to the door; if Alex had waited a second longer, John would have made it out of the room without hearing him. He turned back around slowly.

“I have to go to the library,” John said, giving the flimsiest excuse he could think of.

“Please,” Alexander begged. Two passing students gave him a strange look as they walked by.

Even after everything that had happened, John still hated to see him upset. And after that horrible class, he wanted nothing more than to wrap Alexander up in his arms and never let go.

But he’d made a commitment to himself. He’d made a promise.

“I really have to go,” John said, and then hurried out of the room.

***

If John had thought that Alexander was miserable in that moment, he’d have been shocked to see the state of his former friend two weeks later. Alex was, to put it nicely, a complete mess.

Classes were horrible. Alexander’s grades were actually dropping (from A+s to As, but still) in a few. He’d accidentally let another f-bomb slide last week in debate, so that probably wasn’t a good sign. Their side hadn’t won one yet that semester. Professor Adams openly hated him.

He was insanely busy – the protest was only a week away, and every day, ten new things came up that he hadn’t thought to do yet. There was always something to work on. Without John around to force him to relax, he had all but stopped eating and doing anything for fun. He was vaguely aware of Lafayette inviting him to go out with him and Hercules (John was never mentioned, so it didn’t seem like he was going out, either), but he came up with excuses every time. And without John scrutinizing his every movement, there was no one to call him out if he seemed a little more frantic than usual.

But he didn’t miss any of the many things John Laurens did for him more than he missed John himself. Being without him was painful, and being around him and knowing that John didn’t care about him the way that he used to was even worse. Alexander was still pretty sure that John had enjoyed their kiss, but he’d have given anything now to undo it, just so that John would be his friend again.

Alexander’s mind worked very quickly, so this cycle of thoughts worked its way through his head about every five minutes, then started anew.

He was working at his computer, alone in his room, when he heard someone knocking on the door.

“Come in,” he called.

Eliza let herself into the room. “I’ve been knocking for like three minutes. I could hear you typing, so I knew you were in here. Did you have headphones on?”

That was probably a better explanation than that he simply had not heard. “Yes, sorry,” Alex said.

“It’s fine.” Eliza sat down on the bed. “Can you come sit for a few minutes please? I need to talk to you about something.”

“I’m busy, I’ve got—”

“Just a few minutes,” Eliza said sharply. “Then I’ll go.”

“Fine,” Alexander grumbled. That was a few minutes that would be better spent working, but who was he to deny his fake-girlfriend what she wanted? He joined her on the bed. “What?”

“Yikes, you’ve gotten ruder,” Eliza said, affronted. “Anyway. Alex, consider this an intervention.”

“A what?”

“An intervention,” Eliza said with confidence. “Except with only me instead of everyone you know. And it’s about your feelings, not about drugs.”

My ‘feelings’?” Alex asked. He felt trapped. “Eliza, what the hell?”

“You’re miserable, Alex!” she yelled. “We can all see it! Your friends, my sisters. You never leave your room except for class, you snap at us when we try to talk to you. I want to know what’s going on.”

“Why do you—”

“Because I care,” Eliza interrupted, taking Alexander’s hand before he could brush her off. “Because I’m really worried about you. Your friends are, too, they’re just less willing to confront you about it than I am. You seem so unhappy, Alex. Please tell me what’s going on.”

Alex wanted to tell her not to worry, that everything was fine. But he was tired. Really, really, really tired.

“I think you’re going to be mad if I tell you,” he said at last.

“I promise I won’t be.”

Alexander stayed silent.

“Is it about John?” Eliza finally asked. Alexander nodded.

“I noticed that you two haven’t been talking.” She rubbed circles into his hand. “Did you get in a fight?”

“No,” Alex said. “I kissed him.”

Eliza looked shocked.

“See, this is why I didn’t want to tell you. Because, technically, I cheated on you, and I feel awful about that—”

Eliza laughed. “Technically, this is a fake relationship, Alexander.”

“Still.”

Eliza laughed again. “Look, I’m not mad, okay? I’m not mad at all. I kind of guessed that you liked John a while ago. And, for the record, it’s super obvious that he likes you, too.”

Alexander just looked at the duvet. This whole conversation was a bit overwhelming; he’d never told anyone out loud that he liked John as more than a friend.

“I’ve been thinking about for a while.” Eliza was still talking. “And I think we should end this fake relationship, Alex. It’s actively hurting you now, and I can’t stand it.”

“That’s very generous of you to offer, Eliza, but there’s no use in it now,” Alex said. “John thinks I’m a cheater, he thinks that I betrayed you. He doesn’t want me anymore anyway, so we might as well keep going out.”

Eliza considered this for a moment. “What if we told him it wasn’t real?”

“There’s no way to do that without you coming out to him,” Alex said. He had already been over this in head. “And I would never, ever force you to do that, not even now.”

Eliza shrugged. “What if I want to?”

“I—what?”

“I’ve been thinking about it,” Eliza said simply. “And I think I’m ready to tell people. Not everyone, of course, not the whole school. But our friends could know. I trust them enough now. And then John would know that you aren’t a cheater.”

“Eliza, if you’re just doing this to cheer me up—”

“I’m not,” Eliza said loudly. “I’m really not. I’m doing this to make me happy, I promise. I’ve put a lot of thought into it. It’s just a happy coincidence that I can make your life better now, too. Because, really, Alex” – she looked him straight in the eye – “I owe you big time. You’ve saved me these past few months. Now, I want to save you, too.”

Alexander took a deep breath, and then flung himself at her.

“Thank you so so so much,” he said, tears forming at the corners of his eyes. “If there’s even the slightest chance that John could forgive me because of this, it will be so worth it.”

“You’re very welcome,” Eliza said from underneath him. “Can you get up? You’re crushing me.”

“Sure, sure,” Alex said, releasing her.

“So,” Eliza said. “Alexander Hamilton, will you please dump me?”

“As you wish,” Alex said, with a flourish. “It’s been a pleasure fake-dating you.”

Eliza giggled. “When are you going to tell John?” she asked excitedly. “You could do it right now!”

Alex shook his head. “No, not yet. Unfortunately, I still have this protest to plan, which is going to eat up all my time for the next week.”

Then he smiled. “But that also gives me the next week to plan the best reveal ever.”


	8. Laurens, Do Not Throw Away Your Shot

John woke up on the morning of the protest to someone banging at his door. He rolled out of bed with a huff to go answer it.

It was Hercules. “Wake up lazy!” he yelled. “It’s the big day.”

John grumbled out an incoherent reply. It might have been a big day for some people, but he wasn’t one of them. He’d removed himself slowly from the protest-planning in the past weeks, offering very valid excuses about needing to study. For John, today was just another day.

“Come on, man, get dressed, we gotta go!” Hercules said.

“’M not ready yet,” mumbled John. “Gotta shower first.” _And then find another way to procrastinate going._

“How long do you think you’ll be?” Mulligan asked.

“Dunno,” said John. “An hour, at least.”

“An hour?! Man, that’s way too long. I guess I’ll leave without you and let you get ready, but you have to promise you’re actually going to come.” Hercules gave him a look. “Promise?”

John nodded, hoping that if he didn’t actually say that he promised, it wouldn’t count when he broke it.

Hercules looked disappointed. “If you’re not out in the quad in exactly one hour,” he said, “I’m sending Lafayette in to drag you out.”

John nodded again, and shut the door. That gave him an hour to come up with an excuse to give Lafayette.

Before heading to the washroom, John checked his phone expectantly. What he was waiting for was there: a text message from his mom.

In a fit of desperation the night before, John had texted her, asking her to try talking to his father again about letting him switch majors or drop out. She was more lenient than his dad, but when he had asked during winter break, she had taken his father’s side on the matter.

Apparently now would be no different. The text read:

**Mom:** _Sorry, honey, but I’m not going to do that. You need to at least finish out the year before considering any major changes, and even then, I wouldn’t get your hopes up._

_Wonderful,_ John thought. _Just fucking wonderful._ He grabbed his shower caddy and headed out to get ready.

Lafayette showed up exactly when Hercules had said that he would. John had been so annoyed at his parents that he hadn’t even thought to come up with an excuse, so he had no choice but to accompany him out onto the school lawn.

John was pleasantly surprised by the turnout. No one was announcing yet, but there were already a couple hundred students milling around the tiny stage they had set up. Alexander seemed to be in good spirits, which made John’s own plummet. It wasn’t that he wanted Alexander to be upset, but at least before, he had seemed remorseful for what he had done. Now, it was as though it had never happened.

John helped Lafayette set up some posters, keeping as far away from Alexander as possible. Finally, around noon, it was time for things to get started. Since John had avoided helping with the planning, he had no official role to play. Instead, he joined the audience, ready to watch masochistically as the man he was in love with did what he was best at.

Alexander was incredible, of course. Most presentations had some kind of audiovisual component, a video to be played or backing music or something. But Alexander didn’t need any of that; he just spoke about tuition reform, barely stopping to breathe, for an hour straight, and people actually _listened_. John could read the mood around him just by the atmosphere – Alexander was making people care.

Then, right when Alexander was wrapping up, he was interrupted by someone with a megaphone who was standing in the crowd.

Three guesses who it was.

“Students of this fine establishment,” Jefferson started, grandstanding as much as a college kid with a megaphone could. Madison and Burr snickered beside him. “I know that Mr. Hamilton here has provided you with some interesting information. I thought, however, that you might actually want to hear something _true_ for a change, which is why I have…”

John, however, did not get to hear the rest of Jefferson’s speech, or what Alexander was yelling back at him from the stage. At that moment, Eliza appeared at his side, and tugged on his sleeve to get his attention.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” she asked.

John swallowed. He really hoped that this was about something other than what he thought it was about.

“Here? It’s really loud.”

“Here’s fine,” Eliza said. “Listen, John, there’s really something that we need to discuss—”

“I’m so sorry, Eliza,” John interrupted. “I messed up, I—”

But Eliza just laughed. “Just let me talk, okay?” she said.

John nodded. Eliza stood on her tiptoes to talk in his ear.

Eliza told John a lot of very, very interesting information within a very short amount of time. John felt his head spin.

“You okay?” Eliza asked. John was probably looking a little pale.

He nodded, trying to get his head in order.

“So it was never real?” John asked.

Eliza shook her head. “Never.”

“So you don’t care that he—that we—?”

“Not even the slightest bit.”

“Oh,” John said. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” Eliza was smiling.

“Oh, um, thank you for trusting me enough to tell me, um, about yourself,” John said. He was pretty sure he knew better ways to react to someone coming out to him, but his tongue was pretty tied at the moment.

Eliza just laughed again. “Want to hug it out?” she said. John nodded, and pulled her in.

“Well,” Eliza said, “I’ve done my bit. Now it’s up to you two.”

“Right,” John said. Jefferson and Hamilton were still yelling at each other across the crowd. People were booing at Jefferson, but he seemed undeterred in his mission to ruin this event for Alexander. “Should we take care of that first?”

“Actually,” Eliza said. “I think someone else has got it.”

At that moment, Angelica broke out of the crowd and sprinted past Jefferson, grabbing his megaphone as she went. He tried to chase after her, but she was very fast, and quickly left him in the dust. Jefferson remained in the crowd with Madison, both of them grumbling. Burr, strangely, had disappeared.

“Thanks, Ang!” Alexander said into the microphone onstage. John looked up, and found that Alexander was staring right at him.

Alexander started talking again, finishing his speech, but his eyes never strayed from John. In fact, it seemed that he wasn’t even paying attention to what he was saying anymore, though the words still came out perfectly. Beside John, Eliza shot a thumbs-up at the stage, presumably signaling to Alex that she had told John what he needed to know. Alexander raised his eyebrows, still not breaking eye contact with John.

 _Well?_ he seemed to be saying.

There was no way for John to say what he was thinking when Alexander was so far away. He wished Alex would hurry up.

“Thank you so much for listening today,” Alexander finished finally. “We have a real shot at this, and we are not going to throw that away. We can do this. Okay?”

The crowd chanted “Okay!” back. John just nodded, and he was sure that he saw Alexander smile.

Then the protest was over, the stage already being dismantled. John lost sight of Alexander in the crowd until he suddenly appeared right in front of him.

“Hi,” Alex said.

“Hi,” John replied.

“Did Eliza tell you?”

“Yes.”

“And?”

“And… I think it’s really cool what you did for her.”

Alexander smiled. “Are you still mad at me?”

John couldn’t help but smile back. “No.”

“Cool,” Alex said. “Now’s probably a good time to tell you that I’m in love with you, then.”

John felt like there were fireworks going off in his head. “Um… wow, I’m…” He took a deep breath. “I’m in love with you, too, Alexander.”

Alex was smiling so big that it seemed like his face might break. “Awesome,” he said. “Can I kiss you now?”

John couldn’t talk anymore. As an answer, he leaned in and kissed him.

It was… quite a while before they broke apart. Probably too long for pleasant company.

“I’m glad you’re not crying this time,” John said, catching his breath.

“Don’t put it past me,” Alexander said. “I’m very emotional about this and I still might cry.”

“At least they’ll be happy tears,” John laughed.

“Yes,” Alex said. “Um, so now that we’re in love and we made out in front of everyone we know and stuff, do you maybe wanna go out sometime?”

John weaved his fingers through Alexander’s and pulled him close again. “That would be nice.”

***

On the first warm day of the year, in early April, Hercules suggested that all of them go out and sit on the lawn.

They sat on blankets pulled from their dorm rooms and packed picnic lunches in the cafeteria. The sun was warm overhead, and though they had brought a Frisbee, none of them felt like using it. It was nice to just lay and bask in the heat.

John showed up late to the party, having been on the phone when they all went downstairs.

“Finally!” Alexander called when he arrived. “I missed you.”

John laughed. “Alex, we saw each other two hours ago,” he said. Alexander pouted at that, so John added, “I missed you, too.” When John sat down, Alexander laid his head in John’s lap, and John automatically carded his fingers through Alexander’s hair.

“I have big news,” John and Hercules said at the exact same time.

“Ooh,” Eliza said. “How are we going to decide who is going to go first?”

“I’m just going to start talking,” Hercules said. “Remember, John, when I said that our roommates were up to something with that Samuel Seabury?” John nodded. “Well, as of yesterday, I found out what it was.”

“What?” everyone asked.

“Well, it’s kind of a long story, but the short version is that they’ve been conspiring with Professor Adams to make Professor Washington look bad,” Hercules said. “Which, mostly, has involved trying to discredit his favourite student.” At that, Hercules made finger guns in Alexander’s direction.

“What!?” Alex said, shooting up. “Seriously? Is that why we haven’t won a debate all semester?”

“Probably,” Hercules answered. “Apparently, Adams has had it out for Washington for years, and with him gone, he wanted to take the chance to ruin his reputation. So he rounded up all of Professor Washington’s least favourite students to go up against you, since you’re like the embodiment of everything Washington worked for.”

“That’s… that’s…” Alex sputtered. “I’m so mad!” He settled down a little when John tugged on his hair.

“I knew you would be,” Hercules continued. “But don’t worry, I’ve got it all under control. I found the evidence by going through Georgie’s email while he wasn’t home.” He looked proud of himself. “I always knew I’d make a good spy.”

“Anyway, I turned them in this morning, and with a little help from a friend, they should be out of here in no time, and Professor Adams should be under review.”

“Who’s the friend?” John asked.

“Mind if I sit down?” Burr asked. John hadn’t even seen him walk up. He had a pretty girl with him.

Alexander bristled. “Why would we ever let you sit with us?” he said.

Hercules rolled his eyes. “Because Burr is the friend I’ve been talking about. He helped me turn those guys in. And he’s not going to hang around with Jefferson and Madison anymore, is he?”

Burr looked as apologetic as he could probably muster. “I’m really not,” he said, imploring.

Everyone’s eyes with on Alexander for the decision.

“Fine,” Alex finally said, settling back down into John’s lap. Burr looked relieved, and he quickly joined the group.

“This is Theodosia, everyone,” he said. “My girlfriend.” She gave a little wave.

“Duh,” Angelica said. “Everyone already knows her. She lives with me, remember?”

John actually had not yet met her, so he introduced himself, holding out his hand for her to shake.

“Hey, John,” Peggy said. “You have to tell us your news now!”

“Yes, please tell us!” Lafayette echoed.

“Oh, okay,” John said coyly. Alexander rolled over to face him. “Actually, it’s very good news. I don’t know if you’ve all noticed this, but I haven’t really been enjoying my classes this year.” Nobody looked shocked, so John kept talking. “But I just got off the phone with my mom, and since I’ve managed to get my grades back up this semester, she finally convinced my dad to let me switch majors. I still have to minor in law, since he still holds some dream of me going to law school, but they said I could pick anything I wanted for next year.”

There was a chorus of congratulations all around. Alexander sprung up and wrapped John in his arms.

“That’s so great, babe,” he whispered in John’s ear. “I’m so happy for you. And I love you so much.”

John blushed. “I love you, too,” he said quietly, though apparently not quietly enough, because Lafayette and Eliza, who were sitting nearest to them, groaned.

“Do you two have to be so adorable all the time?” Eliza asked.

“Yes!” exclaimed Alexander as he lay back down. “We really do. So, John, what major are you going to switch to?”

“I’m not sure yet,” John said. “I’m thinking biology or animal sciences. But I think what’s most important is that I actually put some thought into it this time, instead of just doing what I think someone else wants me to do.”

“That’s a good idea,” Alex said. “Whatever you do, we’ll all support you, so you can be happy about what you choose to do.”

John smiled down at this boyfriend. He was feeling pretty happy already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to y'all for reading this, and for your lovely comments! Thanks to the incomparable Carol, for being the World's Best Beta.


End file.
